Taking care [7.14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie & 9.17 Mother's Little Helper ]
You shouldn’t have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you.
"Jesus—! What the hell was that?!"
Saving family business.
and I will ~; demonstrate ;~ to you, why
———♛ s ᴛ ᴏ ʀ ᴍ s ♛——
are named after
「 ᴘ ᴇ ᴏ ᴘ ʟ ᴇ. 」
SO CLOSE TO 10 M!
I CAN SMELL IT
"I never expected that,” he shot back, with a clenched jaw. “I didn’t ask fer things to be just fuckin’ fine between us when I came back. I jus’ wanted you to know I was sorry. That I know I fucked up. I know I’m a fuckin’ coward.” A deep sigh came from his chest, taking a moment of pause as he rubbed a hand down his face.
But his own bitter laugh was choked out just like hers. “Yeah? You’re the adult here? Alright. Adult. I guess you were suuuch an adult when you let me back in, or at least, ya made me believe that. When ya lured me in to this false sense of normalcy with you again. Adult when ya jerked me around, and played all yer fuckin’ games with me, when all I wanted was to make things better, make you happy. This is toxic, because you made it like that. What we had back then, it was good. And I fucked that up. I know. But when I came back, I just wanted t’fix things. You just wanted to fuck me over. Didn’t know childish petty payback was adult.AND AFTER ALL THAT, I still want you, Roxanne. I still love you, because I know we could have somethin’ good. I know we wouldn’t have t’ give up on happiness. That’s why I let ya play yer games, get your retribution on me. I know I deserved it, I know ya needed that. I jus’ thought we could get past it all eventually.”
He sighed, taking a step back to sit on the couch, his head falling into his hands. “You move on, Rox. ‘Cause I’ve tried for two years, an’ it ain’t workin’.”
"I’m not saying that was the adult thing to do. I’m saying this is. Deciding when to let go and when to figure out when you’re fighting a losing battle. You can’t recreate the past.” Her arms folded across her chest and looking at him seemed an almost impossible feat. “This should have never happened.” What part of it she was talking about, she wasn’t exactly sure. Probably all of the above. At this point, they had taken so many wrong turns it was topsy turvy and fucked three ways from Sunday. And still he was going on about loving her and wanting the good. He was either out of his mind or some sort of masochist. Probably both.
"You’re an idiot. And I’m a bigger one for still caring about you, but I can’t do this." Maybe another day, one where she didn’t feel like she was on the verge of tears just looking at him. Or maybe that was nausea. "Not tonight." She added finally, not sure if that was an open invitation for a continuation or not. "Go call Benny if you don’t want to be alone. Don’t just sit there the whole night." Cause that would lead to drinking which would lead to something undoubtedly horrible. She, on the other hand, was all for horrible. As soon as her shift was over, she was taking a personal day from classes to cure the inevitable hangover she would have.
She headed for the door before she could change her mind again.
Gabriel in 9.18 Meta Fiction
It seemed he was in no control of his words tonight, seeing how quickly that one came out. But it didn’t make the sentiment any less true, not when she discredited his admission like that. Something he had spent so long trying to fight, something that influenced so many decisions, something that he finally admitted to her, and she shut him down. It was always the hurt that bred anger; anger was easier.
"You don’t get to tell me that, Roxanne. Because you have no idea. When I left, it wasn’t because I didn’t need you, or I didn’t love you, or want you. It was because I was broken, an’ I couldn’t put that on you. I couldn’t drag you down with me. An’ yeah, I should’ve handled it different, I should’a… I— Yer right, Rox. Nothing has changed. I still need you as much as I always have. Because things make sense with you. Everythin’ isn’t so jumbled and confusing, and hard. God, I feel so fuckin’ cheesy right now. But, god damn it, Roxanne. It’s the truth, okay! That’s why I’ve hung around while ya jerked me around like this. Because— Forget it. You wanna leave? Leave. I know I deserve it. But now? You’re as much at fault as I am. But hey; If that’s what you gotta tell yourself, that I don’t need you, I don’t love you, whatever. If that’s what makes you think all of this was okay, that all of this was justified, that you were just making us even, fine. Because we are even. You’re just as bad as me, babe. That make you feel good?”
Through it all, she could only shake her head, a rueful smile splitting her lips. If this was the game he wanted to play, she was game. There was so much held back over the last few years, so much she could and should have said and some things that were better left buried deep underground. But if he wanted to cut and burn, that was something she knew how to accept. That was what she wanted.
"Fuck you, Jaxon. Fuck you for thinking you had the right to take that choice away from me. Fuck you for shutting me down and running out like a god damn coward and then expecting things to be okay with a sorry." She laughed, something hollow and bitter and it felt like she was really breathing while not taking in any air at all. "I’m okay with that. Everything in my life that’s twisted and fucked and you think you get to be the one to rub my face in how fucked up I am? I’ll live with it. I’m not happy, but I got over happy a long time ago. I don’t want to be even, Jaxon. I want you to shut the fuck up for a minute and think that maybe I’m the one being the adult in this situation when you can’t be. This relationship—or whatever the fuck it is anymore, is toxic with a capital T. Fuck what you want. Fuck what I want. You don’t need me.You need to move on…and I do too.”